Hello Ms Etchebarne, thank you for agreeing to answer our questions. What does your job as a sexologist and relaxation therapist involve?

The profession of sexologist and the practice of sexology is open to everyone, women and men of all ages. The aim of the consultation is to listen to you, to enable you to reduce and relieve the suffering caused by a sexual problem or symptom; but also, to enable each person and each couple to find their own resources and rediscover a balance by highlighting the meaning of desire, pleasure, sensuality, intimacy, love...

The practice of sophrology can help people find balance and well-being, and learn to free themselves from stress caused by professional, social or family situations. By practising sophrology regularly, people can obtain effective solutions using gentle, non-invasive methods in their day-to-day life.

Why did you choose this dual activity? What is your background?

I developed this double activity through my practice and experience in the field. I originally trained as a nurse, and started my career in palliative care, then moved to surgery to focus more on patients and less on the pain of families. After a few years, I joined the corporate world as an occupational health nurse, and came face to face with the trauma and pain that employees experience on a daily basis. I became interested in solutions to help employees manage their daily lives and the possible impacts that can lead to cancer surgery and palliative care. This is how sophrology came into my life. I qualified as a practitioner, and I am now part of the teaching team. However, as my work progressed, I realised that I was missing some tools, so I turned to life coaching to help people overcome their fears and beliefs. I am also certified in EMDR to refine my treatment of emotional trauma.

During my consultations, I noticed that the topic of relationships, loneliness, a drop in libido and sexual dysfunction were often present in our discussions. As a result, I decided to train in humanist sexology to support individuals and couples in their personal and sexual development.

It was a natural progression to accompany couples in their plans to have a child, as I had many patients who needed injections for this purpose, as a nurse.

What do you gain from combining these two activities when treating people with infertility problems? How do the two disciplines complement each other?

For me, it's a successful marriage. Combining the sophrological method with the science of sexology produces remarkable results, particularly in terms of erotic dysfunction. By combining sophrology and sexology, the support we provide allows us to dare to tackle these issues, helps to remove blockages, can bring to light buried problems and allows us to identify the problem in words. Couples undergoing IVF can find the experience to be a violation of their intimacy, due to the intrusive examinations that can become a trying process and can even damage libido and feelings. The compulsory and programmed nature of the sexual act ends up making it hateful and killing eroticism. The sexual act becomes the daily routine, as the desire for pregnancy becomes the main objective, putting desire and libido second. The absence of desire can also be a sign of falling out of love and lead to a break-up. This drop in libido is a normal consequence of the IVF treatments that couples undergo.

Seeing a sophrology specialist during this time, can help manage stress, and maintain good communication. It can also help sexually: by learning to relax and listen to your body you can trigger the desire to reconnect with yourself and with the other person.

How is a full follow-up carried out? What are the different stages?

Couples need to be supported at every stage. First, I meet with the couple, in an environment where everyone is free to express their feelings and their pain. It's a space where the couple can express themselves freely and in complete confidence. During the IVF process, the woman’s body is assaulted by a range of medical interventions including check-ups, various tests, hormonal fluctuations; and injections which can have repercussions such as reduced desire, for both women and men. It's important to talk about it, as the IVF process can lead to moments of guilt, disappointment, anger, etc.

Women suffer physically and may experience the tests as intrusive. Whereas, men may feel that their sexual identity is being questioned. For this reason, I suggest a second stage of individual counselling, to allow people to talk freely and give them the tools to manage their emotions and help them rediscover a relationship based on intimacy and less on medical issues. This, avoids transforming the sexual act into an act of reproduction to be carried out on demand. Sometimes only one member of the couple wants to take this step of talking about their intimacy and/or their suffering.

Emotional support is then provided at each stage of the process: start of treatment, collection of sperm and eggs, embryo transfer, waiting for results, results, etc. First of all, stress management support is very important, as it is present throughout the process: couples experience stress that can become intense, exacerbated by everyday life, questions from family and friends, and the need to take time off work. In these cases, I suggest working on breathing, to achieve a relaxed body and a peaceful state of mind, reinforced by more specialised sessions.

Certain stages awaken fears (e.g. medical procedures, fear of pain, fear of failure...) which can spiral out of control. We can tackle these fears and apprehensions using specific techniques adapted to the individuals.

The connection or reconnection with the body can also be difficult: women may reject the body that has betrayed them by not enabling them to give birth naturally. Anger sets in, alternating with sadness...

Reconnecting with the body through sophrology, taking an objective view of one’s body and taking the time to listen to one’s emotions and physical feelings will help the person to regain confidence and turn their attention to themself and the other person to rediscover the desire to share intimacy without the goal of procreation.

I also offer partner sessions, because from a medical point of view, the process may be simpler, but from a psychological point of view, it's just as complicated: for the man, it can lead to feelings of guilt and inferiority. The woman may also feel guilty and powerless.

Sophrology will help to reduce stress, help distance oneself from guilt, give a more positive outlook and prepare the couple mentally for the key stages. Sleep, which is often affected, can also be improved.

The couple is put to the test during such a journey. Some grow closer together, while others drift apart. Sophrological treatment and sexological discussion can help to create calm things, refocus and give people the chance to become close again.

How do you prepare couples for treatment failure?

It is beneficial for the couple to be able to talk about the possibility of failure in advance, before starting and during treatment.

This allows them to talk about the difficulties often inherent in the treatments, giving up on the idea of making a baby naturally, the natural fertility they thought they had, and accepting medical help.

The process is often long and complex.

A multidisciplinary team is an important part of the process, including osteopaths, psychologists and acupuncturists... The support of loved ones is also very important, such as friends who you can have fun with without talking about the project.

Article published by the non-profit organisation ‘Storks of Hope / Les Cigognes de l'Espoir’ All rights reserved.